Today was my hardest day.

One hundred twenty four days ago my saga with the pandemic started. 124 days of feeling more isolated from humanity than ever before. I thought I’d weathered some rough patches before. I was wrong this Saturday was my worst day mentally.

My morning started off wrong. I had planned on getting up early for a jog before having to take my car in for service. I never heard the alarm and scrambled to get breakfast and get on the road so I’d make my appointment.

I accomplished that goal. However, I should have stayed off Facebook. Someone I knew from school decided to post some praise on Marxist thought while at same time moaning that we were heading towards a dictatorship. Let’s just say conversation went south and I ended up blocking the person out of my life. No big deal. They aren’t that important to me and the older I get I feel there are times you cut out people who aggravate you and make you miserable.

Masks. Everywhere masks. Can’t sit in lobby without your mask. I can’t stand these darn things. After a certain amount of time I find I have to go outside and take it off. I feel I’m breathing CO2. When my car was completed and I went to it, I removed the mask. I suddenly got incredibly lightheaded. I got scared. Felt like I was going to pass out right outside the car. I’m sure as humid as it was today it didn’t help the situation.

What has happened to all the reports and studies where healthy people should not be wearing masks for long periods of time? I have read you can have decreased oxygen levels from it. I had also read that the masks can get wet from your breathing and if there were particles they would stick.

You can’t ask these questions, especially on social media. How dare you ask that. You are protecting others and what kind of person are you? You must not care about others.

Was going to go by the local mall but I didn’t want to be stuck wearing that darn mask for long period of time and the Apple store was closed. Just came back home.

124 days. What I wouldn’t give for a touch from another human. What I wouldn’t give to be able to walk in public and when you encounter another person, they didn’t act like you were death.

No, I didn’t handle today well. I wonder how Sunday will be. I understand people are scared. Thanks to the media with hyped up stories and how hard it is to find good sources of information. I have an elderly parent I am responsible for. I have skin in the game just like the others. There was something on YouTube I saw recently and I have to find it again. They were mentioning a controlled study of a systematic people. It was reporting that they were not shedding the virus. It appeared they had to be sick and coughing hard to do so. Then there’s another report about people may not have antibodies but their T cells were active. Apparently this is a cousin to colds. I want to look more at this one. If I understood correctly they were saying increased T cell activity and those who had produced antibodies may mean as a society herd immunity has been or is close to being reached. As soon as I can lay my hands on these two pieces of information I’ll post it for you to read yourself and to ponder what the information means.

Soon, it will be day 125. Praying I stay strong and don’t crack.

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