I thought I knew.

I thought I knew what loneliness was. This year has taught me what I thought it was wasn’t reality. Before I had the choice. I could be “alone” but out in public still feeling connected. What we have had this year feels more like solitary confinement in a maximum security prison. It’s totally out of your control.

I am thankful that I have been able to keep active for the most part. The several months the state forced the gyms closed I had decent weather to get outside often and stay active.

Now it’s winter and I find the feeling of isolation is worse. Add cold weather and having to fight to go outside…

Thankful I’m not a suicidal person. I feel I can understand better those who are. What makes things worse is if you try to express how you’re feeling most people shut you down. Maybe not intentionally but they do. Maybe they feel it’s helpful or trying to change your perspective by reminding you there are people having it worse than you. I know people who are having it worse than I. I know people going through cancer treatments or their family is as are people going through a lot of things I am not. Is trying to say hey I am really struggling with loneliness right now somehow being selfish?

So you end up keeping quiet and holding things in. Going to the gym and having the ability to attack weights with frustration and all the other emotions held inside does help.

So if you hear someone expressing how they feel. Let them. Don’t make them feel like they’re being told to shut up. You might not intend for that but when you remind someone hey there are people worse off than you… that’s what you are telling them. They hear they’re being selfish because they don’t have it that bad. Who are you to tell someone else how they have it mentally? How about telling them they’re not alone. That you also struggle with these feelings at times. How about telling them you’re there if they need someone?

Life has changed for everyone. There are those who think 2021 we will be better. I doubt it. You have government forcing businesses to shut down and like yo-yo go through hoops. You have people fearful of evictions and losing everything. Do you really think someone will snap finger next year and bam! Things are fine?

One thing I do more now is look where something is made. If I see China, I try and find an alternative. The country that allowed people to travel internationally while locking down their citizens. The communist regime that tried to destroy the genetic map of the virus and what they did release wasn’t entirely truthful. The regime that just sentenced a citizen journalist to 4 years in prison for trying to get the word out what was happening around her. I feel bad for the people of that nation. Those who bravely try and tell the world truth are crushed by an immoral, evil form of governmental rule.

Why should we reward such behavior with economic success?

Yes. Life has changed for me in plenty of ways. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel normal again. Only time will tell.

One thought on “I thought I knew.

  1. I hate it when people give me the “it could be worse” treatment. Yah. I know. I shouldn’t feel depressed, but I do. Thanks for invalidating and dismissing my feelings.

    As for the Chinese, considering what i’ve seen here in the U.S. over the last several years, they have no monopoly on evil.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.